This morning Thing 1 came to me crying and needed to talk. I want her to always be able to talk with me about anything that is on her mind; even if it is hard and she thinks I will get mad. I didn't have a relationship like that with my mother as I was growing up and I think it would have helped me with several long lasting bad decisions that I made, so it is important to me.
She was so upset. She is the more sensitive of my two girls so I have to make sure I listen to her without eye rolling. Sometimes the things that she views as a problem are not problems in my mind. Her sister takes all the sheets off her bed and she cries. I see it more like well just make the bed again, but she feels frustrated that Thing 2 is destroying stuff.
She felt like she was being ignored. Her chief complaint was that all we ever talk about anymore is money, housing, or her baby sister.
She might have a point there, which is the sad part. Thing 2 is a huge handful and it's really hard to keep up with her and make sure they both get equal attention. I feel like I spend most of my days making sure the little terror doesn't jump off the couch, climb the bookshelves, or kill the cat. She is cute but, Dear LORD is she a handful. The money and housing thing, well it seems to me like that is all Adam and I talk about anymore as well. It just seems like we have been in this pit of transition for the better part of our marriage.
Then I started getting depressed. It is hard being a mom. I hate it when my kids feel like they need stuff from me that I am not intuitively figuring out. I realize that elevates me to a level when I am expecting myself to be all knowing and all seeing which is completely unrealistic. I can, with my more rational side, see that that isn't logical. However, sometimes parenting doesn't happen in the logical side of the brain it happens in the emotional part.
I hear, "Mommy I need you" and I think "Kat you are such a FAILURE!" I mean really, I am the mom and I should just KNOW that my kid needs X, Y, and Z. This leads me into a Mommy depression spiral. I can know in my mind that it is just a season of our life and this stuff will pass but that doesn't make it any easier to know.
I hate feeling off balance.
No way Kat! Think about this way. Your daughter has the kind of relationship with you that when she knows something is wrong and she's feeling down, she was able to come to you and tell you about it, knowing that you would get it and respond. This is good parenting Kat. You can't be everything all the time but as long as your girls are communicating with you, you can express your love.
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